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The Marine: John Cena movie in which a bunch of stuff blows up. Jerry Lawler: Sadly not a match, unless you consider Jerry Lawler vs. The Eric Young-Traci Brooks-Robert Roode Triangle: TNA’s never won a Gooker Award, but they sure came close with this one! Al Wilson: Elderly man marries smoking hot Dawn Mrie, whose sole goal is to lure Torrie Wilson to bed. The WWF Wild Kingdom: We demand that every time WWE goes to Omaha, they reenact these bits. And we mean that literally – there are three rings, and it’s WCW! Silent Night, Bloody Night: Four simple and very Christmasy words: Barbed. The Wedding Gown Match: Stacy Keibler and Daffney battle over David Flair. 2007 Action Figures: Want a Johnny Rodz action figure? We didn’t either, but that didn’t keep us from writing about ’em! Aldo Montoya: The Portugese Man o’ War who, for some unknown reason, wore a bright yellow jockstrap on his head.Double J: A controversial induction, but think about it: an aspiring singer (Jeff Jarrett) is going to use the WWF to take over Nashville. The Exploitation of Eddie Guerrero: The 2006 Gooker Award Winner and the hardest induction I’ve ever had to write.Just trying to decipher that logic makes my head hurt. Duke “The Dumpster” Droese: Fan friendly garbage man from Mt. Thrill Vomit as WWE exploits one of their greatest performers ever! Apparently they were having a clearance sale at Pier One. The Rock Comic Book: The Rock may have been the most electrifying man in showbiz, but he sure made for a boring comic book character. Santina, Miss Wrestle Mania: Remember that one time Santino Marella WASN’T funny? Shelton Benjamin’s Mama: Shelton Benjamin’s mama was so fat…eh, nah, too easy. Battle Kat: Break out the kitty litter for the WWF’s wrestling feline. Bikini Blast-Off: All the top WWF superstars sunbathe indoor as wrestling plumber TL Hopper investigates what appears to be a turd at the bottom of the pool. Brother Love: VERY controversial induction as we tackle the Roddy Piper-Morton Downey Jr. We could understand people saying this wasn’t Wrestle Crap, but well…no we can’t. Punjabi Prison: The Great Khali gets his own match! Sting’s Moment of Truth: We have nothing against religious movies. Rob Bartlett: Unfunny funny man who did commentary during the early days of Monday Night Raw.
No one else does either, because it never happened. The Good Housekeeping Match: There was once a time when Vince Mc Mahon thought it was so crucial to have Chyna pin Jeff Jarrett that he paid 0,000 to see it happen. A Jobbertastic TNT: Mario Mancini AND Frankie Williams on the same show? Macho Libre: Not sure what’s more shocking: that Vince Mc Mahon still hates Randy Savage, or that he somehow knew there was a movie called “Nacho Libre”. And this would be another one, which apparently is romantic. “Obama.” Santa Claus : Revamped, and much larger version of the original non-wrestling Christmas movie induction! Big Show’s Dad Dies: The Big Bossman ruins the Big Show’s daddy’s funeral by stealing his casket. The Blonde Bytch Project: Stevie Richards and Blue Meanie finally get a chance to shine in WWE, and it all falls apart because Vince has never heard of the Blair Witch Project. Blu Twins: The Harris twins in the third of 713 failed personas. Me neither, but you can have them with this official WWF COOKBOOK!
God: Somehow I doubt this is what will happen when Vince reaches the pearly gates. Bill Kazmeier: And you thought the World’s Strongest Man was Ken Patera. Mordecai: If Colonel Sanders and Conan the Barbarian had a sword wielding child, it would be MORDECAI! Pac-Man Jones : What do you call a wrestler who doesn’t wrestle? Paul Christy: The greatest man in the history of ever asks the eternal question: “How many apartment buildings can YOU own? WWF/WWE Crap: Adam Bomb: Following a nuclear meldown, mild mannered Bryan Clark becomes the Creation of Devastation!
The least they could have done is had Paul Bearer come back and bury Paul E. Macho Man’s Bachelor Party: Have you ever been to a bachelor party where a dude is trying to feed a fish to another fish? The Mexicools: Because all Mexicans ride around on lawn mowers. Mole Girl Jillian Hall: Looks like somebody on the writing crew just watched Goldmember! Mud Match: Did you ever think you’d see an induction with the Shiek, Stacy Keibler, Tylene Buck, and Tiger Jeet Singh? And we sure didn’t think they’d all be rolling around in mud. World of Wrestling Rocks: Never thought I’d hear a worse wrestling CD than WCW Slam Jam, but here it is. Yoshi Kwan: Ninja Turtle wrestler turns Japense and wears a funny hat. The Zombie: The legendary ECW Original hits the Crap!
Nor do I understand why Razor Ramon and 1-2-3 Kid had a “Loser Gets Diapered Match.” That sounds like something Trash would have booked.
Anyhoo, here it is…complete with bonus “Potty Time” induction that has nothing to do with wrestling.