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Perhaps this was out of a desire to meet and connect with people in the queer community; perhaps it was because I wasn’t totally comfortable identifying as heterosexual, despite the fact that I was a man and was attracted to women.A little later on in my transition, once I began presenting as male, I set up profiles on two mainstream dating sites, one listing myself as male without stating that I was trans, and the other listing my trans status. A few months after posting my profiles to both sites, I received a message on the site where I hadn’t disclosed that I was trans.

A lot of women are looking for something serious and have no interest in participating in your immature wager with friends. He refused to accept it and continued to message me listing all the reasons why we’d be great together.” — Ashley, 30 The problem..the solution: No matter how strongly you feel about your potential with a woman you meet online, accept the break-up gracefully.By the time your date comes around, she’ll already have lost interest or have found someone more attentive.If you really are going away, wait until you get back to ask her out.In my case (and perhaps for many trans folks), going online for potential romance felt like a safe first step in cultivating my new, authentic self—in being able to reach out to others as the man that I was and am.Plus, since I live in a small community, there aren’t many opportunities to date and less of a selection of potential partners.

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