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Today, there’s no innocence, no flirting, no finesse.I began the week being ‘wooed’ by a ‘suitor’ who called himself Firm Hand. Will she ever experience that thrill of eyes meeting across a crowded bar?To deter time-wasters, I tried to be as specific about what I was looking for in a man as possible: someone with a good sense of humour who would share my love of Eighties music.

Fifty-three-year-old travel agent Claire Morton's husband left her after 24 years Though shocked and hurt, the mother of three from Colchester, Essex, admitted she was excited about being single and joined dating app Tinder‘Bye then,’ she said, as he walked out of the door and out of her life Though shocked and hurt, Claire, a 53-year-old travel agent from Colchester, Essex, admits part of her was excited at the thought of being single again.So when super-muscled Dave popped up, saying he was a member of an elite Army regiment on a secret mission to the Middle East, I decided to do some digging.I asked for his email address and used it to track down his IP address — the unique number that identifies the network on which an email is sent — and found that his message had come from Russia.His profile picture showed a stool painted with the words: ‘The Naughty Spot.’ His ideal Tinder date, he revealed straightaway, was a ‘strict auntie’ to give him a ‘guiding hand’. I was two weeks and hundreds of swipes in, and I’d still not had a single, genuine date with an honest man. As I kept swiping, it became clear that the more mature men of Tinder fall into a few distinct categories.Then there was Mark, who wanted to meet me with ‘the wife’ — pictured with her face obscured, but not much else. There are the bachelors posing with cars or speed boats, the men wearing suits that varied in quality from Savile Row to Burton, but who all wanted to imply they were CEOs.

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